An ode to that friend- we all have one.

So you've all settled into your seats in the cinema ready to watch the latest serious drama, the sort of film you have to listen to the dialogue of to keep up to date with what's going on. Or, you've done a hard day's work out at your job or your college or on campus, and you get in late expecting to be able to slump in front of the telly. Or to use the living room to read.



And then the friend appears. Not that they haven't been there all along. They don't appear visually, but aurally they suddenly emerge. Right when you thought that maybe, just maybe they would sit and enjoy what they're doing, or what they're watching, quietly.

That is the moment when they decide to pipe up and start making noises. They might choose the tensest part of the film to start up a conversation. "Oh! That's what I was going to ask you..." they shout, as they sit forward and completely drag your attention kicking and screaming away from whatever you're trying to pay attention too.

Or, just when you think you can sit back and let the nonsensical crime drama or comedy drama wash over you, they'll sit and click their way through an infinite amount of levels of some shit-for-brains inducing point and click puzzle game. The way they spend every afternoon. Exercising their lone index finger for hours. Clicking. Click. Click. Click. Over and over, stabbing its way through whatever dire dialogue you're trying to hear. Even though it's dire, you've chosen to try it as a relaxing evening. And they're ruining it.

IF ONLY

Or, and this is the pet peeve of mine, the constant conversation artist. Talking to everything. The adverts on the TV- "you're a strange shape, stupid woman!". Talking to their computer game. "Why can't I open that?" Or just fading into making noise, whining between clicks because whatever they're trying to do in their pathetic afternoon's efforts is working and, like a toddler, they're getting incredibly frustrated and don't know what to do.

This post isn't really anything more than this, just an annoyance, blasting away the whining people who cannot just be quiet. Even when you ask. Even when you hint, and say "it isn't a voice command machine, you know", or just clear your throat, or stare at them with that look of humorous annoyance that airs more on the side of "careful- you can't help yourself, can you, just stop making noises".

So there you are. I'm sure everyone knows people like this, and you should know how aggravating it is, so forgive/ understand this self undulgent rant. There'll be something more specific next time, folks, and hopefully entertaining.